Six places to get shouted at. That's one for the naughty boys and girls among you… ooh matron!
6 Places to get shouted at
THE GERMAN NATIONAL LIBRARY The third-largest collection of books in the world, with over 24 million items, is spread across several sites around the country. The building in Frankfurt am Main is open until 8pm, and we reckon that by about 7.45pm their patience for noisy page-turners, gum chewers or general fidgeters will just about be at breaking point.
Fly to Frankfurt (Hahn) from 53 destinations, including Zadar.
No, that’s not a misspelling – we really do know how to write “lion” – we’re referring to the free zoo that stands in the middle of Le Parc de la Tête d’Or in France’s third-biggest city. It’s really a remarkable place, with tigers, elephants, lyons – sorry, lions – and so on, and seeing as it won’t cost you a bean to get in, you won’t mind too much when a man in a uniform berates you for wafting a sausage at a crocodile.
Fly to St Etienne (Lyon) from Porto.
THE LONDON UNDERGROUND
To be on the receiving end of a discontented mutter, simply stand stock still on the left- hand side of any escalator on the Tube – the “lane” that people panic if they can’t walk up/ down. But for a real rollicking, try repeatedly inserting your ticket into the exit barrier the wrong way round at about 8.30 any workday morning. You’ll be lucky to get out alive.
Fly to London (Gatwick, Luton and Stansted) from over 100 destinations, including Biarritz, Gdansk and Valencia.
PRADO MUSEUM, MADRID
The Goyas, Raphaels and Rubens will all be closely monitored by security at one of Spain’s oldest museums. Touching historic paintings is obviously a bad idea, but it might be fun to see how small you can make the gap between finger and exhibit before being barked at? No it wouldn’t. Our lawyers are reading this.
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St Peter’s church in Rome is widely regarded as the world’s greatest, and the atmosphere is suitably serious. So make sure to observe with care and in silence, as getting a proper telling off here is absolute child’s play – literally, if you have kids. Actually, have you considered Disneyland instead?
Fly to Rome (Ciampino) from 40 destinations, including Karlsruhe-Baden
THE AUSTRIAN ALPS
Serious skiers’ tolerance for shaky novices is famously lacking. Shrill-seekers should wobble out onto the nearest black run, shout something condescending about Franz Klammer and wait for the ensuing carnage. Austria’s medical care is excellent…
Fly to Salzburg from Dublin and London (Stansted)