Top 10 Gentlemen's Clubs* - in no order whatsoever
1 Hustler Club
US porn baron Larry Flynt’s crowd-puller near the Champs-Elysées will cost you €30 to get in (with free drink). After that you’re own your own, so drink wisely – even a bottle of beer will set you back €18.
13/15 Rue de Berri, www.hustlerclubparis.com
2 Hallo Love Chance
No visit to Hungary is complete without a cultural night out. If you want to see something called the Dance of the Candles and you’re tired of the more traditional sights, then the cheerily named Hallo bar is the place for you. Note: the website has pictures of their dancers, and some – how shall we put this? Some might not be to everyone’s taste.
65 Kiraly Utca, www.hallobar.hu
3 Hot Peppers
This joint in the Czech capital is a mecca for men and renowned for its beautiful ladies. Admission is free, patrons receive every second beer on the house (with a voucher from the website) and a top-end Cohiba cigar costs only €33.
21 Vaclavske Namesti, www.hotpeppers.cz
4 VIPs Club
A small-ish establishment, but one where couples are said to be “very welcome”. This wee spot in the south of France also offers the chance of a strip in the back of a limousine, lap-dancing lessons, and even puts on nights for the ladies – think sultry Mediterranean Chippendale-alikes!
40 Rue Saint-Pierre, www.vipsclubmarseille.com
For such a tiny island Malta has a lot of fleshpots, including the nightclub-esque AO-Clubs at St Paul’s Bay and Paceville. They are both apparently “where good taste meets good fun”, and the dress code is strictly smart-casual. Handshakes are allowed. Touching is not.
Kavetta Street, St Paul’s Bay / Elija Zammit, Paceville, www.ao-club.com
Billing itself as a cabaret and lap-dancing club, this basement bar lacks the grand entrance of some of its rivals, but features girls from all over the world. And that includes Wales.
38/39 Lower Leeson Street, www.angelsdublin.com
7 Femina Bar
That looks a bit like a vintage shot of Mariah Carey on their website, but we’re pretty sure the diva isn’t moonlighting here. Instead, we get a bevy of local ladies and the chance to eat like a king in the Femina restaurant. And if nothing’s to your taste there are four more similar spots in town.
11 Via Garibaldi, www.feminabar.com
8 Life Club
“There are no ugly women”, they say on their website, and we think this is more a boast about their strippers than a feminist statement. Life is a large venue on two floors, with three bars, a VIP room and the capacity to hold up to 500 randy blokes, sorry, adventurous young couples. Because that’s who go to strip clubs. Honest.
556 Rua Duarta Oliveira, www.life–club.com
9 Pure Platinum
A pleasingly upmarket establishment, where you can pretend you came for the well-stocked bar and décor instead of just to ogle some naked ladies. Good luck with that.
Super-smooth pensioner Peter Stringfellow is rightly proud of his Covent Garden venue, which has managed to survive amid tough competition thanks to a genuine nod towards luxury and some reputedly wonderful girls. Admission is a perv-offputting £20 (€22), but free if you’re dining.
16–19 Upper Saint Martin’s Lane, www.stringfellows.co.uk
* Oh, who are we kidding? Lap-dancing joints.