Trust me, I`ve Been There
Zoe Williams thanks the gods of fashion it's winter
A CURIOUS FEATURE OF HUMAN NATURE (at least I hope it’s all of us, not just me) is that you always think you look better in the season that isn’t the current one. Now in winter, with the crisp, crunchy air and the early dark, I think: “What I need is some sun, some colour, something to shine on my old-lady hands. Maybe a streak of blonde, then I will look fabulous. Come summer, I will look lovely.”
When it actually comes to summer – and, cursed with a memory, I have to admit this – I think: “My problem is exposure. When it’s not cold there’s such a lot of pressure on a person to wear skimpy clothes. And yet I look better in knitwear. Plus, I look better when it’s dark. Winter is my season! Hell, I only even make sense in winter – I’m like a human roasted chestnut!”
As kidding yourself goes, this works pretty well, but the fact is the winter break is much better than the summer one if you want to sustain all these delusions about yourself. Summer is the season for relaxing, and here is thing number 978 I hold against taking spa-related holidays: it doesn’t matter whether it’s a rigorous Austrian detox or a softly softly Ibizan yoga retreat, there is no such thing as a fitness session that doesn’t involve taking a long, hard look at yourself. I wouldn’t mind that so much if it were figurative, but it’s depressingly literal. Summer is also beach season, and you don’t need a bikini to remind yourself of your many deficiencies.
In winter, what do we have? Skiing: a whole week wrapped in clothes as thick as duvets, hurtling down surfaces incredibly fast. Never mind that this is because they are slippery, you feel like a Bond girl. There is the Christmas fair break, which – whether it’s Manchester or Munich – will most likely involve hats, scarves, spiced wine and, most importantly, flattering candle lighting.
Now, sure, this is the whole point of going on holiday. It shakes things up a bit, and makes you look at things from a new angle. I put it to you, though, holidaymaker, that there are some angles you really don’t want to see yourself from. That’s why everybody always comes back from holiday on a diet – nothing to do with local cuisine, which is often much better for you than regular cuisine, consisting mostly of olives.
Winter breaks is where I’m going with all this – you can’t go wrong. Huge clothes, ruddy cheeks, excessive drinking – there is no way you can come back feeling anything but festive. Oh, unless you go to the Canaries.
FLY TO IBIZA, MANCHESTER, MEMMINGEN (MUNICH WEST), SALZBURG AND TENERIFE SOUTH FROM ACROSS THE RYANAIR NETWORK. VISIT WWW.RYANAIR.COM